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I was looking for information and facts in regards to this on Yahoo and discovered your post. I thought it was nice clear. Cheers
Does u6 include prisoners? And how does it compare to europes method of calculating unemployment?
It’s a shame that Google Forms doesn’t play nice with Facebook.
I am so touched and impressed with this young man in his effort and tenacity. Boxing will not only help him build confidence, but character. Other adolecents should follow his example.
NOT COOL. I thought this was off the record!
Are these the same from the National Colour Bred Association?
I’m not sure. Is that a British organization?
Haha yeah Joe! I was going to interview this dude for my own site but things got muddled up. Keep playing man and hope to see you back out there once we have our shit together.
I’ve never understood all the buzz around Harry Potter, read the first book and didn’t really care for it. Still, it’s great seeing how much fun people have been having doing stuff like this, so I know it can’t be a bad thing.
Nice shots. Cool game. Only thing: we don’t really get to see them playing much, just dudes talking about the game. Any chance you got more game footage?
Awesome video. The music is great and the colors are so vivid.
Killer integration of stock footage. Great idea. Couple quick things:
1) I was hoping for couple real tight shots of her face during really heavy moments. Could crop in a bit. Especially during that eyeball part.
2) The audience reaction shots: I see tons of heads of young black kids, but all of our reaction shots are middle-aged asian women. Got any others? We don’t really know that there are HS kids there.
3) I’d shave about 1.5 minutes off the total run time. Lots of details that are totally gruesome and rad, but fat needs a little trimming.
Kick ass. What a story. Nice editing.
Guia you did an excellent job of intregrating file footage and it really gave the story impact. It put you there. It was good to see the reaction of the audience , but who else was there besides Asian women? Were there students, other races, etc? It would have been good to see a variation in the audience. You have some tighter shots of the speaker , but they may have worked even better at points where she was giving some of the gruesome details of what happened to her classmates. Her story is very specific so I think editing down to 3:00 minutes or a bit less would not hurt the story.
Very nice job!
Awesome subject. Love his story. Also love how you brought in his music video. I think it would be nice to tighten the whole thing up to about 2:00 minutes. It’d also be nice to just focus on his dichotomy as a man in two different worlds, what that means to him, why he did it. Could probably cut a lot of the stuff on how he thinks about music all the time, etc. Over all, excellent stuff. You always have such killer ideas.
Quick tech thing: the audio bounces left to right quite a bit. I’d say just set all the pans to the middle and export as mono. Cool. You got this.
Colin thank you so much for your feedback. I will do that. I was trying so hard to figure out what to cut and that makes a lot of sense. The same goes for the audio and tightening up the peice overall.
This was a great idea for a video – I’ve heard about the Quiddich games, but never seen any.
The interviews were great, you really let them explain what was going on, and I feel like I know what’s happening and how it got started. The one interview that confused me was with the Snitch, because you didn’t indicate at all that that’s what he was, and he starts describing what he’s wearing like everyone should know what’s going on.
I think the only other problem with this is that there should be more action shots. There was a lot of face time for each of the interviews, and I feel like they’re talking about something that looks fun and a little silly, and there wasn’t very much of it happening on screen.
This story really jumped out among all of them. It’s a really heavy topic and definitely grabs your attention. You did a great job getting your subject to open up to you.
A few thoughts…
1) The story was really compelling but could have been more compelling by making it shorter. Sometimes less is more. If the story lost about :30 – 1:00, the stronger story points would stand out more. (That said, I know it can be more difficult to cut a shorter piece… More edits, combined with the dilemma of “what do I cut out?”)
2) I think the music choice really helped support the fact that the subject was down on her luck. Like John said in class, music can sometimes be a distraction for news…. But it’s definitely more acceptable in documentary, and that’s the “feeling” I got from the visuals in your piece.
3) At 1:14 the music bed ends. It was good that you synced the music ending to the scene transition. Next time, try having the music fade out gently and you’ll have an even smoother transition. Also, since you have a location change, you might want to use a video cross fade as well.
Great job overall. I really enjoyed watching this. You kept me tuned in for the whole story because I wanted to see what happened to Claudia at the end.
Oulimata you chose a great subject. Vado’s story is unique especially since the traditional dance is something that he learned as a child and stayed with it. He made it his career. It was very vivid and colorful . The performances and sound of the drums really made the feel of the piece. You used the title cards very well to go from chapter to chapter if his story. Going from the performance to the interview and back throughout the story was a great decision. Good Job.
I watched the video and then read the story and was disappointed that Vado’s sickness and how dancing helped him heal was not a part of your video. That is really compelling and I would have loved to hear him talk about it. Im guessing you made the decision to just tell his dance story and it was good, but since you write about it I now want to know about it.
The audio levels were good and you set the scene with the performances and dance studio. It would have been good to see Vado interviewed in a place that set a scene as well.
Great story!
I really enjoyed watching the video- the music at the beginning before we see the subject really drew me in and held my attention. My two favorite parts were the soundbite of Smith singing in Times Square, and the scene towards the end with him on the beach.
Wonderful audio levels. I never felt that the music in the background overpowered the sound of Smith’s voice, so that was very good, and it complemented the rhythm of his voice.
I thought the timing was perfect when we see him walking towards the water, and he says how he feels at times he has to choose between architecture and music. At that moment I felt the audience really gets to know the character.
On that note, I think having that scene where he talks about the relationship between his music and architecure a bit earlier in the video would make it stronger. To me that seems like the heart of your story, since that is also the focus of the written part.
Also, this could be just me, but there were a couple of points where the video seemed a bit jumpy, such as where he says that Dwayne Smith is his personal being, and then he starts talking about art- perhaps you can put in a title card for narration purposes.
After watching the video I felt as if I got a really good understanding of Smith as a person. Again, wonderful subject!
I like the overall idea of the video. It has a good beginning, middle and end and it takes you through the steps of baking cookies pretty nicely. I also like that you show him playing the banjo late at night. It helps make the piece a bit unique and also gives the viewer a little taste of his performer side.
Having said that, I thought the video was dark and sometimes it was hard to see exactly what he was doing. And the video was also shaky at times, like when he asked you to lick the spoon.
I liked that you made title cards for transitions but he sounded like he got cut off when he started speaking right after the “making cookies for someone special” card.
The length of the piece was good, it was short and got to the key points of baking. But I would also like to have known what he put into the cookies. I know you show us but him saying what some of the ingredients are and how much he used could have been helpful too I think.
Overally, the piece was good but the quality of the video could have been better if there was more light. Your close up shots were nice, esp the one of him tying his apron and also cracking the eggs. And the end result — the close up shot of the cookies made me hungry!
Jesse, the video was very informative as far what MicroOffice is and how it helps small start up businesses. I liked the interviews you had with David Rotbard. The audio was very clear and I also liked that you were able to get some nat sound from the office like the printing of documents at a cubicle.
The story was clear and you showed how MicroOffice brings professionalism into the lives of some people looking to start a business by having nice shots of the office space. The detail shots of what was in the office like the printers, individual cubicles, kitchen, etc also helped me visualize the space these people were using.
Your audio levels were a little low around 1:53 when Jeremy Green comes in and starts talking about what the space means to him. It didn’t match the levels you had when Rotbard and Eva Potter were speaking.
Also, I would have liked to seen some interaction among these people that were in the office. Maybe some of them talking in the kitchen while taking a break or talking by their cubicles. Most of the shots were a bit repetitive like those of the office furniture.
I thought the length could have been a bit shorter, especially towards the end when you shots of Rotbard talking. They were nice shots but I thought they held for too long and needed some broll in between.
I liked your ending, especially since it answers the questions of where he sees MicroOffice to be in the future and how it is currently doing. Maybe if you had some audio of him talking about what kind of small businesses were renting out the space, it would give the viewer an idea of the types of businesses people had. And I was also wondering when MicroOffice opened, I don’t think you have that in your video or also in the blog post. Is this something new or have they been around for awhile?
Overall, I thought the piece was clean and very organized. I liked the concept behind MircoOffice and the interviews sharpened the piece and gave a feel of what kind of professionalism MicroOffice can give to its tenants.
I like the addition of the race announcer as ambi. Overall I think the voices were great and the detail shots were amazing. Especially because you were working with a fast moving event. I’m sure shooting conditions were less than ideal.
Good stuff. I really like the story.
I like the variety of shots, but I personally wish there was a little bit more on the medical importance of the event. Maybe some more of the exams? Maybe some stats showing why an event like this is important? Is there a large senior community in Bushwick? I there a dearth of affordable health care? Etc., etc.
I also wish you had an interview with one of the patients, only because it’s a lot of talk about how helpful the program is to seniors, but only from the doctor’s perspective. It would be nice to actually get a senior’s voice on how much they appreciate the doctors’ work.
There’s one volume issue, at around 1:08, where the doctor’s voice is suddenly really low. Also, I think the shifts between party and the interview were pretty noticeable. Otherwise, I think think your levels were great and the image quality awesome.
I like it!
I really like the intro shot, and I don’t think you need the lower third for it; rather, I’d like to know where the post office actually is. I’d rather go from that to the guy talking, then the lower third. There’s also a little jump at 0:08 that was probably caused by a really tiny gap between the clips.
I think you could invert Albert Alvarez’s talking with the first title card, and then carry over the clapping over the two title cards. Cutting him off and then silence between him and Lawrence Dow is a little jarring.
A little ambi between tracks would also help, since you jump from location a lot and you use title cards between them and a crossfade would probably make total sense. Probably.
Otherwise, good pacing, helpful title cards and solid shots/sound.
The intro is nice, with the establishing shot to tell us where we are and good series of similarly-framed shots that show the kids’ personalities. However, I’m not a huge fan of the font used. I get that it’s a video featuring kids, but it could look more professional.
The interview is well-framed, showing the dinosaurs behind her is a good touch. You pulled the quotes in an effective way, and your subject seems very well-spoken. Nice job with the audio, the sound quality is great.
I think the pacing works pretty alright, though I’d like to see more from the kids after the intro. The interview clip at 1:09 could have some extra footage of one of the children introduced earlier thrown in there. Otherwise, the narrative flow is strong.
Thanks for the feedback!
The intro is good and gets straight to the point. I like that his voice is well-preserved and not edited to take out the “like”s and the repetition, since that accurately represents how people talk late at night. The audio sounds good, too, I like how the banjo is incorporated as a soundtrack.
I get that this was shot at 1am, but does he really bake in the dark like that? It gets a little hard to see what’s going on sometimes. You have some good perspective shots, though, with the over-the-shoulders and the egg cracking shot head-on. There’s a good sense of movement, too.
This is a nice straightforward narrative. It’s cool that you included him interacting with you, it brings in a more personal feel. The story breaks a little during the banjo shot, but that could also be interpreted as waiting for the cookies to finish baking. This guy clearly loves what he does, and you showed that well.
Good story: this seems like a real issue in the community, and something that deserves attention and public scrutiny. The video quality is overall good, especially outside (though a few shots would have been improved with a tripod). Inside, there are some shots that are a bit dark — proper inside lighting with the JVCs seems to be a challenge for many of us. The audio is also good overall, although Rivera’s voice has a far-away quality to it.
You present the issue clearly, with a combination of video and title cards. It’s more of an issues story than a character-driven piece, but it could still probably be improved with more focus on a stronger central character.
Consider starting with Alvarez instead of Rivera — his comments, especially along with his visuals, are more concrete than Rivera’s disembodied voice. I also like the comment of the woman in the green jacket outside the post office — it’s a well-shot woman-on-the-street lip; both the audio and video feel professional, and what she says is to the point, especially at the beginning. Consider moving her towards the beginning of the piece, and moving Rivera’s audio plus B-roll to somewhere later on.
Both the overall length of the piece and the clip lengths seem good. A few audio transitions felt too fast; consider adding a beat of breathing space in between certain speakers, e.g. after Lawrence Dow finishes and before Howard Sample begins. In contrast, the pacing slows down a lot when we read the lengthier title cards without much audio behind them. Is is possible to have audio carry us through these, or maybe part-way through them?
I like the shot of the post-office straight on at the beginning, and the shot of the petition in the meeting, which follows nicely from when you introduce the petition idea in a title card. As John mentioned in class, might be nice to add some super close-ups for more visual interest — e.g. of the postal van, or some mail, or that petition.
And finally: Lawrence Dow’s subtitle looks like it has an error: he says zipcode “10011” but the subtitle reads “10021.” You owe me a beer for catching that crucial typo.
This is good visually and from the point of telling the story. The guy staring at the camera is creepy, but it’s good that you start with it so the 4th wall is broken immediately. Had it been buried within the middle of the video, it would have been just weird.
A few other notes: The shots after the long pan are a little redundant. And the actualities, while good, go on a little long. Other than that, I think you did a good job with the subject.
I agree with a lot of Guia’s comments, both good and constructive. Having a patient talk on camera (or a vox pop of several patients) would have added a little depth. You had a good variety of shots that mostly make perfect sense with the audio.
You also have a lot of audio filling up the video early before breaking it up with ambi from the dancing and event. The establishing audio could have been broken up a little more, I think. It’s a little strange to go from nothing but talking for a minute into the natural audio.
On top of that, I’d cut out the first 25 seconds of audio or so. The doctor is telling us stuff that could be explained in a title card before he gets to the point of what the event is. We were told in the title where the event is, so he doesn’t need to repeat it.
There is also one part where the audio of the guy on the microphone seems off.
Other than that, it’s a very good topic for a video and it was well executed. I do, however, hate the sight of real blood. But that’s a personal problem.
And by Guia, I meant Chester. Same difference, right?
(Sorry, Chester)
I love this: it’s such a visually rich and eventing event. Good find, and well executed with solid video and camera work, and solid audio. More tripod use would of course help with camera shake, e.g. in the interview shots.
Editing is OK, though cuts borders on too fast for my taste. I love the sequence of Ellen Dorsey -> looping cyclist -> smiling cyclist -> Ellen Dorsey. Really nice progression there; the smile adds a warm feeling-tone to Dorsey’s exposition, and I’m drawn in.
Maybe the quick video shot of the official who’s announcing the rules could be cut, since the visual is one of the weaker ones in the piece. Consider keeping the visual on the riders while we hear his audio announcing the rules?
In terms of story structure: it’s definitely a clear, single-element story. The nature of the piece centers around an event, more than a character, and maybe that’s fine. But it probably could still be stronger if there was more focus on or development of a single character.
In terms of narrative coherence: A little more context might be nice. Maybe an interviewee answering “What is cyclocross?” for a few sentences near the beginning. As it is, one of the strongest quotes is of the eventual winner talking about how the sport takes total awareness every second. Maybe move that earlier, e.g. so we’re hearing him tell that as we see footage of a guy wiping out?
After we get the interview with the winner, I feel like the race should be over, or just finishing up. So it’s a little confusing to see more B-roll of the race at this point while the winner talks.
There’s good shot variation and several great, creative shots, starting early on with the row of bikers telescoping away from the lens. The looping biker coming towards the camera is really nice, too. Artful.
I thought it was very well put together. It was straightforward, and it wasn’t too long. My only real complaint was that the lighting was a little strange at parts, and some of the closeups were blurry. Other than that, I thought it was great. And most importantly, the audio was good.
I was looking for information and facts in regards to this on Yahoo and discovered your post. I thought it was nice clear. Cheers
Does u6 include prisoners? And how does it compare to europes method of calculating unemployment?
It’s a shame that Google Forms doesn’t play nice with Facebook.
I am so touched and impressed with this young man in his effort and tenacity. Boxing will not only help him build confidence, but character. Other adolecents should follow his example.
NOT COOL. I thought this was off the record!
Are these the same from the National Colour Bred Association?
I’m not sure. Is that a British organization?
Haha yeah Joe! I was going to interview this dude for my own site but things got muddled up. Keep playing man and hope to see you back out there once we have our shit together.
I’ve never understood all the buzz around Harry Potter, read the first book and didn’t really care for it. Still, it’s great seeing how much fun people have been having doing stuff like this, so I know it can’t be a bad thing.
Nice shots. Cool game. Only thing: we don’t really get to see them playing much, just dudes talking about the game. Any chance you got more game footage?
Awesome video. The music is great and the colors are so vivid.
Killer integration of stock footage. Great idea. Couple quick things:
1) I was hoping for couple real tight shots of her face during really heavy moments. Could crop in a bit. Especially during that eyeball part.
2) The audience reaction shots: I see tons of heads of young black kids, but all of our reaction shots are middle-aged asian women. Got any others? We don’t really know that there are HS kids there.
3) I’d shave about 1.5 minutes off the total run time. Lots of details that are totally gruesome and rad, but fat needs a little trimming.
Kick ass. What a story. Nice editing.
Guia you did an excellent job of intregrating file footage and it really gave the story impact. It put you there. It was good to see the reaction of the audience , but who else was there besides Asian women? Were there students, other races, etc? It would have been good to see a variation in the audience. You have some tighter shots of the speaker , but they may have worked even better at points where she was giving some of the gruesome details of what happened to her classmates. Her story is very specific so I think editing down to 3:00 minutes or a bit less would not hurt the story.
Very nice job!
Awesome subject. Love his story. Also love how you brought in his music video. I think it would be nice to tighten the whole thing up to about 2:00 minutes. It’d also be nice to just focus on his dichotomy as a man in two different worlds, what that means to him, why he did it. Could probably cut a lot of the stuff on how he thinks about music all the time, etc. Over all, excellent stuff. You always have such killer ideas.
Quick tech thing: the audio bounces left to right quite a bit. I’d say just set all the pans to the middle and export as mono. Cool. You got this.
Colin thank you so much for your feedback. I will do that. I was trying so hard to figure out what to cut and that makes a lot of sense. The same goes for the audio and tightening up the peice overall.
This was a great idea for a video – I’ve heard about the Quiddich games, but never seen any.
The interviews were great, you really let them explain what was going on, and I feel like I know what’s happening and how it got started. The one interview that confused me was with the Snitch, because you didn’t indicate at all that that’s what he was, and he starts describing what he’s wearing like everyone should know what’s going on.
I think the only other problem with this is that there should be more action shots. There was a lot of face time for each of the interviews, and I feel like they’re talking about something that looks fun and a little silly, and there wasn’t very much of it happening on screen.
This story really jumped out among all of them. It’s a really heavy topic and definitely grabs your attention. You did a great job getting your subject to open up to you.
A few thoughts…
1) The story was really compelling but could have been more compelling by making it shorter. Sometimes less is more. If the story lost about :30 – 1:00, the stronger story points would stand out more. (That said, I know it can be more difficult to cut a shorter piece… More edits, combined with the dilemma of “what do I cut out?”)
2) I think the music choice really helped support the fact that the subject was down on her luck. Like John said in class, music can sometimes be a distraction for news…. But it’s definitely more acceptable in documentary, and that’s the “feeling” I got from the visuals in your piece.
3) At 1:14 the music bed ends. It was good that you synced the music ending to the scene transition. Next time, try having the music fade out gently and you’ll have an even smoother transition. Also, since you have a location change, you might want to use a video cross fade as well.
Great job overall. I really enjoyed watching this. You kept me tuned in for the whole story because I wanted to see what happened to Claudia at the end.
Oulimata you chose a great subject. Vado’s story is unique especially since the traditional dance is something that he learned as a child and stayed with it. He made it his career. It was very vivid and colorful . The performances and sound of the drums really made the feel of the piece. You used the title cards very well to go from chapter to chapter if his story. Going from the performance to the interview and back throughout the story was a great decision. Good Job.
I watched the video and then read the story and was disappointed that Vado’s sickness and how dancing helped him heal was not a part of your video. That is really compelling and I would have loved to hear him talk about it. Im guessing you made the decision to just tell his dance story and it was good, but since you write about it I now want to know about it.
The audio levels were good and you set the scene with the performances and dance studio. It would have been good to see Vado interviewed in a place that set a scene as well.
Great story!
I really enjoyed watching the video- the music at the beginning before we see the subject really drew me in and held my attention. My two favorite parts were the soundbite of Smith singing in Times Square, and the scene towards the end with him on the beach.
Wonderful audio levels. I never felt that the music in the background overpowered the sound of Smith’s voice, so that was very good, and it complemented the rhythm of his voice.
I thought the timing was perfect when we see him walking towards the water, and he says how he feels at times he has to choose between architecture and music. At that moment I felt the audience really gets to know the character.
On that note, I think having that scene where he talks about the relationship between his music and architecure a bit earlier in the video would make it stronger. To me that seems like the heart of your story, since that is also the focus of the written part.
Also, this could be just me, but there were a couple of points where the video seemed a bit jumpy, such as where he says that Dwayne Smith is his personal being, and then he starts talking about art- perhaps you can put in a title card for narration purposes.
After watching the video I felt as if I got a really good understanding of Smith as a person. Again, wonderful subject!
I like the overall idea of the video. It has a good beginning, middle and end and it takes you through the steps of baking cookies pretty nicely. I also like that you show him playing the banjo late at night. It helps make the piece a bit unique and also gives the viewer a little taste of his performer side.
Having said that, I thought the video was dark and sometimes it was hard to see exactly what he was doing. And the video was also shaky at times, like when he asked you to lick the spoon.
I liked that you made title cards for transitions but he sounded like he got cut off when he started speaking right after the “making cookies for someone special” card.
The length of the piece was good, it was short and got to the key points of baking. But I would also like to have known what he put into the cookies. I know you show us but him saying what some of the ingredients are and how much he used could have been helpful too I think.
Overally, the piece was good but the quality of the video could have been better if there was more light. Your close up shots were nice, esp the one of him tying his apron and also cracking the eggs. And the end result — the close up shot of the cookies made me hungry!
Jesse, the video was very informative as far what MicroOffice is and how it helps small start up businesses. I liked the interviews you had with David Rotbard. The audio was very clear and I also liked that you were able to get some nat sound from the office like the printing of documents at a cubicle.
The story was clear and you showed how MicroOffice brings professionalism into the lives of some people looking to start a business by having nice shots of the office space. The detail shots of what was in the office like the printers, individual cubicles, kitchen, etc also helped me visualize the space these people were using.
Your audio levels were a little low around 1:53 when Jeremy Green comes in and starts talking about what the space means to him. It didn’t match the levels you had when Rotbard and Eva Potter were speaking.
Also, I would have liked to seen some interaction among these people that were in the office. Maybe some of them talking in the kitchen while taking a break or talking by their cubicles. Most of the shots were a bit repetitive like those of the office furniture.
I thought the length could have been a bit shorter, especially towards the end when you shots of Rotbard talking. They were nice shots but I thought they held for too long and needed some broll in between.
I liked your ending, especially since it answers the questions of where he sees MicroOffice to be in the future and how it is currently doing. Maybe if you had some audio of him talking about what kind of small businesses were renting out the space, it would give the viewer an idea of the types of businesses people had. And I was also wondering when MicroOffice opened, I don’t think you have that in your video or also in the blog post. Is this something new or have they been around for awhile?
Overall, I thought the piece was clean and very organized. I liked the concept behind MircoOffice and the interviews sharpened the piece and gave a feel of what kind of professionalism MicroOffice can give to its tenants.
I like the addition of the race announcer as ambi. Overall I think the voices were great and the detail shots were amazing. Especially because you were working with a fast moving event. I’m sure shooting conditions were less than ideal.
Good stuff. I really like the story.
I like the variety of shots, but I personally wish there was a little bit more on the medical importance of the event. Maybe some more of the exams? Maybe some stats showing why an event like this is important? Is there a large senior community in Bushwick? I there a dearth of affordable health care? Etc., etc.
I also wish you had an interview with one of the patients, only because it’s a lot of talk about how helpful the program is to seniors, but only from the doctor’s perspective. It would be nice to actually get a senior’s voice on how much they appreciate the doctors’ work.
There’s one volume issue, at around 1:08, where the doctor’s voice is suddenly really low. Also, I think the shifts between party and the interview were pretty noticeable. Otherwise, I think think your levels were great and the image quality awesome.
I like it!
I really like the intro shot, and I don’t think you need the lower third for it; rather, I’d like to know where the post office actually is. I’d rather go from that to the guy talking, then the lower third. There’s also a little jump at 0:08 that was probably caused by a really tiny gap between the clips.
I think you could invert Albert Alvarez’s talking with the first title card, and then carry over the clapping over the two title cards. Cutting him off and then silence between him and Lawrence Dow is a little jarring.
A little ambi between tracks would also help, since you jump from location a lot and you use title cards between them and a crossfade would probably make total sense. Probably.
Otherwise, good pacing, helpful title cards and solid shots/sound.
The intro is nice, with the establishing shot to tell us where we are and good series of similarly-framed shots that show the kids’ personalities. However, I’m not a huge fan of the font used. I get that it’s a video featuring kids, but it could look more professional.
The interview is well-framed, showing the dinosaurs behind her is a good touch. You pulled the quotes in an effective way, and your subject seems very well-spoken. Nice job with the audio, the sound quality is great.
I think the pacing works pretty alright, though I’d like to see more from the kids after the intro. The interview clip at 1:09 could have some extra footage of one of the children introduced earlier thrown in there. Otherwise, the narrative flow is strong.
Thanks for the feedback!
The intro is good and gets straight to the point. I like that his voice is well-preserved and not edited to take out the “like”s and the repetition, since that accurately represents how people talk late at night. The audio sounds good, too, I like how the banjo is incorporated as a soundtrack.
I get that this was shot at 1am, but does he really bake in the dark like that? It gets a little hard to see what’s going on sometimes. You have some good perspective shots, though, with the over-the-shoulders and the egg cracking shot head-on. There’s a good sense of movement, too.
This is a nice straightforward narrative. It’s cool that you included him interacting with you, it brings in a more personal feel. The story breaks a little during the banjo shot, but that could also be interpreted as waiting for the cookies to finish baking. This guy clearly loves what he does, and you showed that well.
Good story: this seems like a real issue in the community, and something that deserves attention and public scrutiny. The video quality is overall good, especially outside (though a few shots would have been improved with a tripod). Inside, there are some shots that are a bit dark — proper inside lighting with the JVCs seems to be a challenge for many of us. The audio is also good overall, although Rivera’s voice has a far-away quality to it.
You present the issue clearly, with a combination of video and title cards. It’s more of an issues story than a character-driven piece, but it could still probably be improved with more focus on a stronger central character.
Consider starting with Alvarez instead of Rivera — his comments, especially along with his visuals, are more concrete than Rivera’s disembodied voice. I also like the comment of the woman in the green jacket outside the post office — it’s a well-shot woman-on-the-street lip; both the audio and video feel professional, and what she says is to the point, especially at the beginning. Consider moving her towards the beginning of the piece, and moving Rivera’s audio plus B-roll to somewhere later on.
Both the overall length of the piece and the clip lengths seem good. A few audio transitions felt too fast; consider adding a beat of breathing space in between certain speakers, e.g. after Lawrence Dow finishes and before Howard Sample begins. In contrast, the pacing slows down a lot when we read the lengthier title cards without much audio behind them. Is is possible to have audio carry us through these, or maybe part-way through them?
I like the shot of the post-office straight on at the beginning, and the shot of the petition in the meeting, which follows nicely from when you introduce the petition idea in a title card. As John mentioned in class, might be nice to add some super close-ups for more visual interest — e.g. of the postal van, or some mail, or that petition.
And finally: Lawrence Dow’s subtitle looks like it has an error: he says zipcode “10011” but the subtitle reads “10021.” You owe me a beer for catching that crucial typo.
This is good visually and from the point of telling the story. The guy staring at the camera is creepy, but it’s good that you start with it so the 4th wall is broken immediately. Had it been buried within the middle of the video, it would have been just weird.
A few other notes: The shots after the long pan are a little redundant. And the actualities, while good, go on a little long. Other than that, I think you did a good job with the subject.
I agree with a lot of Guia’s comments, both good and constructive. Having a patient talk on camera (or a vox pop of several patients) would have added a little depth. You had a good variety of shots that mostly make perfect sense with the audio.
You also have a lot of audio filling up the video early before breaking it up with ambi from the dancing and event. The establishing audio could have been broken up a little more, I think. It’s a little strange to go from nothing but talking for a minute into the natural audio.
On top of that, I’d cut out the first 25 seconds of audio or so. The doctor is telling us stuff that could be explained in a title card before he gets to the point of what the event is. We were told in the title where the event is, so he doesn’t need to repeat it.
There is also one part where the audio of the guy on the microphone seems off.
Other than that, it’s a very good topic for a video and it was well executed. I do, however, hate the sight of real blood. But that’s a personal problem.
And by Guia, I meant Chester. Same difference, right?
(Sorry, Chester)
I love this: it’s such a visually rich and eventing event. Good find, and well executed with solid video and camera work, and solid audio. More tripod use would of course help with camera shake, e.g. in the interview shots.
Editing is OK, though cuts borders on too fast for my taste. I love the sequence of Ellen Dorsey -> looping cyclist -> smiling cyclist -> Ellen Dorsey. Really nice progression there; the smile adds a warm feeling-tone to Dorsey’s exposition, and I’m drawn in.
Maybe the quick video shot of the official who’s announcing the rules could be cut, since the visual is one of the weaker ones in the piece. Consider keeping the visual on the riders while we hear his audio announcing the rules?
In terms of story structure: it’s definitely a clear, single-element story. The nature of the piece centers around an event, more than a character, and maybe that’s fine. But it probably could still be stronger if there was more focus on or development of a single character.
In terms of narrative coherence: A little more context might be nice. Maybe an interviewee answering “What is cyclocross?” for a few sentences near the beginning. As it is, one of the strongest quotes is of the eventual winner talking about how the sport takes total awareness every second. Maybe move that earlier, e.g. so we’re hearing him tell that as we see footage of a guy wiping out?
After we get the interview with the winner, I feel like the race should be over, or just finishing up. So it’s a little confusing to see more B-roll of the race at this point while the winner talks.
There’s good shot variation and several great, creative shots, starting early on with the row of bikers telescoping away from the lens. The looping biker coming towards the camera is really nice, too. Artful.
I thought it was very well put together. It was straightforward, and it wasn’t too long. My only real complaint was that the lighting was a little strange at parts, and some of the closeups were blurry. Other than that, I thought it was great. And most importantly, the audio was good.